Chasos Day

So this was my second full day of Composition 1.
Part of our over all grade is to do 20-30 journal entry's
I get to use my blog as a virtual journal so that makes
me happy at least. I find it much easier to let my thoughts
run wild and in any direction while typing instead of
actually writing them down. I'm going to try a new thing
I actually put jazz/blues on while i write I like it

So school goes ok. Besides being extremely stressed out
about the gas/money issue, which my good friend was nice
enough to help out with that temporally. We had to pawn like
15 of our DVDs so we can have gas/cig until Thur. God,
my chest has been hurting like fire all day, and it ha been hard
for me to breathe. My wife said it is from heart burn, I hope
she is right. I'm almost positive she's right, but I don't know.
If it is still the same magnitude tomorrow I might go have it
checked out. I just think I have been through sooooo much stress lately
that it has out a toll on me mentally, and physically. It really
gets to me that every time we get paid and we are suppossed to have
atleast $1100, that we are almost always broke 2-3 days later, sometimes
sooner. Its not like this is just happening, we have ben going through
this for some lently time now. I'm finally to a breaking point
that I dont think anyone truly understands whats going on in my
mind/how my body feels. I try and let her know whats going on
with me and how i'm feeling, but sometimes its so hard to get my
point across, espically, when sometimes I cant even explain them right
I truly wish there was a way that all my bottled feelings cou;d come
out and at the same time not hurt a soul. I try so hard as a husband
and as a best friend to take car of things, but I cant take on the
word along. I might finally understand I'm fighting a losing battle
Mabey my best just isnt good enough I dont know.

A felling from withn

Every once in a while I search deep
down in my self and I pull out my
inner thoughts. Now what I write
here on MY pages is how I fell, either in
the past,present or in the future
Some things I may write for fun, some
may be fiction while others will be truth
If you want to disect me, try and go ahead
Most of you that read this will only
recieve a vague understanding on what I'm
actully about, while the select few and you know
who you are will be able to understand where
my thoughts are originating from

I remember loneliness and despair
I remember when nobody cared
I remember felling sad
and I remember when nothing is all I had
Then you came into my life one day
and took away all the sorrow and dismay
Now I'm happy and never blue
because of each moment I spend with you
I cant explain this felling inside
but the sorrow and pain has seemed to die
You give me hope, happiness and a reason
to live because joy is what you have to give

My Journey

It has been a real intense emotional time for me
WE have had our up, we have had our downs
Times have been good, times have been bad
Our time together has been happy, other times sad
After all that I sit here and I can say I'm glad for
the time we have had. I can only hope you continue being
true to yourself and me.
As I sit here and wounder, why I have to live, and die
I gaze into your beautiful eyes, and I'm reminded why
Why I chose to be with you is as simple as night and day
but complex as life it selfT he obvious reason, well I hope
its obvious to you is the deeply implanted love I have for you
Love can sound simplistic, but it has many layers
That though is the founation for my blogg title:
10,000 daggers and 1 shield Through out my life so far
with her I have had so many "daggers" thrown at me
with only 1 shield to deflect them Without my shield in my life
I would not be here typing this tonight So thank you for always
being there for me when it would have been
so easy to let your guard down